Am I responsible for my friend’s HIV
infection, addiction and death?
By: Aaron M. Laxton- Writer, Blogger and Activist
Do we have an obligation to intervene when our friends are
engaging in behaviors that are dangerous and potentially deadly? Some of my
closest friends and peers are shooting, snorting, and sleeping their way to
potential HIV infection and eventually death.
Am I responsible through inaction for their ultimate demise? We have all
seen the commercials that teach us to stop a person who has been drinking from
getting behind the wheel of a vehicle, however why do we not do the same thing
for other dangerous actions? If we
expect to turn the tide of new infections as well as the death of our
generation by way of addiction to drugs such as crystal meth and heroin, then
it is time that we start to have REAL conversations with each other.
Recently Glee fans from around the world were saddened to
hear of the sudden death of the Cory Monteith, who played the lead character of
Finn. Monteith made his own personal struggle with addiction public last year
when he entered drug rehab for the first time. It now appears as if Monteith’s battle with
addiction to methamphetamines was still ongoing. Monteith’s death follows on
the heels of Spencer Cox, world renowned AIDS Activist, who also lost his
battle with addiction and only further serves to highlight the need for action.
Crystal Meth
As I travel across the United States sharing my experiences
as a person living with HIV since June 6, 2011 one thing stands out to me, people
are still using crystal meth. As a
recovering addict, I can tell you that during the height of my addiction I
would have loved for anyone to have told me how much I was hurting myself. What started out simply as something I would
do while partying with friends soon became a major addiction that wrecked every
aspect of my life, ending with my being becoming infected with HIV. I could easily
have been another Monteith or Cox. My life while using meth consisted of
trolling hookup sites looking for my next trick, while looking for my next fix.
There were never enough tricks and there was definitely never enough meth. Psychologically, I had devolved to state of amphetamine-psychosis,
a consequence of chronic amphetamine use. Symptoms mimic those of schizophrenia
and include hallucinations, hearing voices, paranoia, mental confusion, loss of
time, emotional flatness, not eating, inability to sleep just to name a few.
Logging on to any
hook-up application or websites I’m continually amazed to see the headlines for “Party
N Play”, “PNP” all code for fellow-tweakers (a term used to describe a person who uses
meth). Bathhouses are filled with guys
who are doped up on chemicals purchased from warehouse store; the actions they
engage in while under the influence creates a breeding ground, no pun intended,
for new HIV infection. You might ask, “How does this guy know about what goes
on in my bathhouse?” My response is that I am most likely a card-carrying
member of your bathhouse. I have no shame is disclosing the fact that I
frequent bathhouses around the world. Regardless of what your social standing
we are all equalized when we are wandering the halls of the bathhouse in a
towel simply looking for our next trick. It is time for us to have the tough
conversations with our friends who are dealing with addiction.
The reality is that the bathhouses are filled with your
friends who slip in after a night of partying.
You may never know about it because they believe that you would judge
them. It is time to admit that you likely have at least one friend or acquaintance
who is an addict, but they believe they have it under control. All addicts
think that they have it under control but the truth is that addiction is in
control.
Raw, Bareback Sex
We need to face it that there are two messages being told.
The most prevalent and politically-correct message is that condoms need to be
used each and every time that you have sex. The reality is thatthat not everyone
wants to use condoms and consequently we are not wearing them, more personally…
I will not wear them. The reason that no one freely admits that we are not
using condoms is because we do not want to be preached at and shamed. While
condoms offer protection against exposure to HIV they are just one of many
tools that we have currently. If we are truly committed to reducing shame and
having a conversation about reducing new HIV infections we must end the stigma surrounding
unprotected sex. I will always choose to have no sex at all than to have sex
with a condom.
It is time for us to have these tough conversations with
each other regarding risk-reduction practices and prevention outside of simply
putting a condom on. It is time to wake up and recognize that beating people
over the head with the “condom” message isn’t cutting it. A better conversation
to have with friends who refuse to use condoms might be whether they have heard
of PrEP (Pre-exposure Prophylaxis) or what other risk-reduction practices they
use.
People are going to make their own choices regardless of how
you feel about it. If we are committed to changing the tide of new HIV-infections
& addiction then it is time for us to start having real conversations free
of judgment and stigma. Are you
responsible for your friend’s HIV infection? That is only something that you
can answer. Ultimately each person is responsible for their own actions. As
friends and family don’t we have a higher responsible to intervene when a
person is engaging in behavior that presents a high probability of negative
results such as HIV-infection and in some cases death? Without these tough
conversations, how many more of our friends fall victim to addiction and risky
behavior?
