My name is Aaron and I am an addict. I will be the first to
admit that I love crystal, “tina”, Adderall… I have been clean for 459 days and
counting but I will be an addict for life. Crystal use in the LGBT community
and specifically in the kink community is alive and well! Recently I was
alarmed while in Atlanta when I logged onto Grindr to pass time; the amount of
guys looking to “Party” or “PnP” was staggering. As a community we have to be honest that when
it comes to drugs and alcohol, if it was not fun initially we would never have
done it. There comes a point however when the novelty wears off and we are left
with a habit, a habit that our dick had helped us develop.
No one wakes up one day and decides that they are going to
become addicted to drugs; we need to be very clear about that. A habit develops
over time and before a person realizes it, they have reached rock-bottom. For
some people that rock-bottom is worse than others. Whether it is slamming “tina”
at the bathhouse and getting slammed or simply popping a few “addys” for a
night on the town, we did it because it was fun. There was a certain amount of
pleasure that came from that high. No one ever tells you though that you will
always be chasing that first high, which is why an addict requires higher
amounts of the drugs. Anyone who tells you that drugs were not fun in the
beginning is either full of shit or they do not know what they are talking
about.
Amphetamines cause a hyper-sense of sexuality that initially
is alluring until most people figure out that they are up all night with a
limp-dick. There is nothing worse than being awake in the wee-hours of the
morning, endlessly searching “fuck-sites” such as craigslist, Recon, Scruff, Grindr
and so forth… There is nothing worse than the emotion wreckage that a person is
left to deal with as the drugs begin to leave their body and they start to withdrawal.
A habit develops over time, slowly what began as something
that was done socially becomes something that you do alone. You isolate
yourself from everyone around you. Your work performance begins to slip. You
begin to lie to cover up your usage. Through it all however you say to yourself...
“It is recreational, I only do it every now and then… I have it under control.”
Those are the famous last words of every addict; you are no more in control
than other addicts. All addicts like to think that they are somehow different.
At the end of the day however, your dick has helped you develop an addiction.
If there are things that you can only do when you are high
on meth… should you be doing them? Additionally
how many of us have placed ourselves in extreme risk of HIV exposure or become
infected while high on crystal meth, tina, Adderall or whatever you choose to
call it. I can say that I did! Regardless of what your definition of kink is,
there is only one definition of addiction. To all of my brothers out there that
are currently dealing with an addiction that their dick helped them develop, I
would say that there is help available. Nothing in your life is beyond repair
and at least worth the effort to attempt to fix.
To others that are in our community that are turning a
blind-eye to those that are actively using meth… wake the fuck up. You have an
obligation to call people out! Do not simply look down at people or turn your
back on them. That is how we are going to overcome the war that is raging with
crystal meth.
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